When Pranay asked me — “Why divorces are happening more nowadays?” — here’s my psychological approach to that question.
⚖️ The Foundation of Modern Marriages
Pranay, you and your partner married with a foundation of NEED
- Physical Need
- Societal Need
- Financial Need
The Wrong Foundation
It’s 100% the wrong way to maintain marriage for the long term in this generation — and marriage seems like a jail that takes extra hard work over a duration of time.
Most of them are aware of this but are not bold enough to break out of it. They gradually become quiet years after years, with side attractions such as (drugs, alcohol, cigar, & secret affairs), and give a nod to their wife’s scheme and ideologies to evade confrontation.
⚔️ The Opposite Case
In the other scenario, the wife turns aggressive, controlling, dominating like a mother, and occupies herself in earning money — doting on becoming a “financially independent woman.”
Really, it’s all escape from mending the unhappy relationship.
MEN will be attracted to something else (beyond home)
WOMEN will seek escape in becoming financially independent
They share a different bedroom, lock their banks and phones, and live together under the same roof for only two reasons:
- Children
- Social Status
The Figures Then and Now
It went on for decades. Earlier, people would hear one divorce case a year in a district — now thousands of cases are being registered on a daily basis. The bravery for women now comes from living in reality and not fear-based belief systems.
The Reality Now
What is reality NOW?
For some women, it’s more important to be herself than to stay stuck in life with 2 kids in hand, 4 hot-star serials in mind, and 8 festival celebrations on social media posts.
They seek validation for their education and self-esteem beyond those 2-4-8 numbers.
This unrest is increasing year by year. At the same time, men least care for her emotional disturbance, too busy guaranteeing safety and security as the “provider” of the family.
Here begins the first crack — gradually to the divorce route.
Feeling Is Everything
Here is the truth — FEELING is EVERYTHING.
The last generation made up with escape.When mum and dad are not happy with each other, children pick up on that unhappy energy — they take it on in a lot of areas of life, predominantly in:
- Low self-confidence
- Fear of loss
- Attraction to bad relationships
- Teenage break-ups, etc.
The Conditioning of Men
Men are way out in front here — for decades, men conditioned the perception that:
“Girlfriend is torture,” “Girlfriend cheated,” “Girlfriend blows money,” “It’s difficult to keep her,” etc.”. All these are the result of entering relationships with need as the primary intention — an unconscious hurt inner child due to sad parents.
How to Steer Clear of the Crack
How to prevent this — how not to let that initial crack in the marriage when a wife is quietly crying due to 2, 4, 8 numbers pressure?
Haven’t I mentioned that women are 4 times more intelligent than men, but a conditioned man is always the mother’s boy?
He has to be realized by his woman (wife) to become a man.
Men like us were conditioned as:
“Men are independent”
“Men never cry”
“For men, respect is must”
“Men never depend on wife financially”
All these assumptions destroyed the man’s inner child, imprisoning him as a boy with masculine appearances.
The Women’s Role
Here is where women can play a vital role — to understand this conditioning and help rewire it slowly.
This helps transform the man from a boy with fear-based conditioning into a man with values.
✅ Men also depend on wife’s salary when EMI is approaching.
✅ Men also seek a pampering shoulder like women do.
✅ Men also cry when situations go out of control.
If this were to actually happen, it will not be long before he becomes a man with integrity.
But not every woman can do so — the open fissure leads to divorce.
As I explained earlier, some just find refuge in earning money, to appease the obsession of being an “Independent Woman.” Society meanwhile deems her man useless.
End Notes
Communication and Acknowledging are the keys in relationships.
Conditioned boy and grown woman both have to sit and recognize their own beliefs, fears, and conditioning — by parents, society, and their own life experiences — to rewire.
Then the relationship will feed like never before.
It’s possible when both are able to see the inner child in each other — that was programmed by society, systems, and fear-based parenting.
When men and women reach a conclusion — what triggered their behavior and what conditioning caused it to be “disrespectful” — then conflict vanishes.
In plain terms:
Reprogram your mind after deep conditioning since childhood.
Do the right thing for your partner at the right time.
By doing these two things — 99% of divorces will be prevented.
Got it, Pranay?
Pranay – Amazing sir… Thank you